If you read my last article, you know that there is way more to health than just eating clean foods. One of those, the most important, is love and authentic human connection. A lack of such has been shown to increase loneliness and contribute to many modern diseases.
Today, not only will I share with you how to develop relationships and find your tribe, but I will also offer some advice and tools to create and feel more love in your own life.
An introduction to relationships
At the very core of any relationship is simply some form of human interaction and connection. What that actually looks like is going to differ depending on the WHO and the WHAT of the relationship. My relationship with my wonderful, beautiful, supportive girlfriend is not going to look the same as your relationship with your significant other.
I think it’s important to note that any kind of relationship, whether it be a friend, significant other, family member, or co-worker, is not a 50/50 effort kind of ordeal like many might think. They are 100/100. Both parties need to be striving towards 100% support, 100% communication, 100% sharing the journey, 100% sharing the love, 100% all across the board. That’s what makes a relationship thrive.
Why relationships are important for good health
There was a recent study that just came out that measured the effects of loneliness in relation to human health and immunity because of the current pandemic situation our world is in right now. The headlines read, “Loneliness as big a killer as obesity and as dangerous as heavy smoking”.
It was a meta-analysis (a really huge study) of 3.4 million people and the results showed that people who feel or who are socially isolated and lacking authentic human connection are at a 30% increased risk of early death. Can you believe that?
Staying connected, being close and personal with others, and being able to be your authentic self all help to counteract stress while at the same time strengthening the immune system, mind, and soul.
What if you don’t have many people to be connected with?
How to find your tribe
A lot of people (myself included) struggle with finding high quality friendships, especially if you are immersed in the world of holistic health AND a college student. You might be thinking you don’t fit in, you have a different path than the rest of the people around you, and you probably struggle to relate.
The biggest shift for me was the realization that the law of attraction can only get me so far with finding like-minded individuals; I actually have to go out and make a conscious effort to develop relationships with the people I want to be friends with. There’s really only 2 steps you need to take to find your tribe.
The first step to finding your tribe
Be truthful with yourself. Learn to express your authentic, real you. Your authentic self is going to get you in the door with the people you want to be more surrounded by. If you don’t first know yourself, how can you expect to know the type of friendships and relationships you want to have?
Take some time to journal, meditate, and explore your thoughts, beliefs, values, goals, dreams, visions, and aspirations. The qualities that you most aspire to have are most likely the same qualities you should be looking for in a potential high quality friendship.
The second step to finding your tribe
Once you know yourself and the type of person you’re looking for, all you have to do is start going to the places where they are likely to be. This could be health conferences, nutrition school, Facebook groups, you could even search niche hashtags on Instagram, your local farms, or community events.
If you’re up for it, you can even create an event(s) to bring those people to you. It’s exactly what I did and it was so worth it. I started a Farmer’s Market at my university last year and doing so brought like-minded individuals all around me. I had a team of amazing new friends to help plan the event and a whole host of amazing new friends to help host the event.
It doesn’t have to be as big as a Farmer’s Market, it could be as simple as creating an online meet-up group that you start from your social media connections. You could even host a small get together in your neighborhood or community for a healthy dinner or cook out.
That’s really all there is too it. Show your authentic self, go to the places where your type of people are likely to be, and then start up conversations from there (make sure you leave with phone numbers or social media so you can actually move the new friendships forward)!
The 7 Loving Actions Exercise
You know how to find your people and develop relationships, but it’s equally important for you to know how to nurture them and actively create feelings of love and connection that we all crave so deeply.
Here’s a short exercise that I like to call, the 7 Loving Actions. Give it a try…
Think of someone right now that you have some type of relationship with – a friend, co-worker, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, mentor, etc. Then take some time and write down 7 small things that you can do for them. Here’s some examples:
- One way you can support them
- One thing you can do to surprise them
- Tell them why you appreciate them
- How can you help them with their work
- One thing I love about them
- One way I can show this person I love them
- One thing I value about them
Now, for the next week, do/say one of those things each day for this person. Watch how it transforms that relationships AND increases your feelings of self-worth and value. It’s a win-win for everyone. You will feel better for taking that helpful action, the person on the receiving end feels valued, and the relationship becomes stronger.
Relationships are all about continual growth and the give-give-give mentality. The more love we give, the more love we will receive.
How to create more feelings of love and connection
On top of the 7 Loving Actions Exercise, there are a whole bunch of ways to create love and authentic connection with others. Although it may be hard, there is a fast track to these feelings – good communication.
Dr. Harvill Hendrick provides a 3 step process that he calls a “safe conversation”. When you are having a conflict or want to connect on a deeper level in your relationships, this is the process to follow.
- Mirroring – Repeat what someone is expressing to you, asking for clarity. This allows the other person to realize you are really listening.
- Validation – Accept that someone else’s truth, may not be your truth. It’s not about being right, it’s about seeing different point of view.
- Empathy – Always show love, compassion, and understanding.
Another great tool to feel and create more love is gratitude and showing appreciation. Everybody loves to hear why they are loved and what makes them special. It’s one the best feelings in the world. Give the gift of gratitude in your relationships.
You also need to let go of judgement. Love cannot exist with negativity. The good news is, negativity cannot exist with love. Focus on loving more and leave the past in the past.
Allowing your relationships to flourish
What you nourish and feed energy into grows. Therefore, if you want high quality relationships it’s going to take your time, effort, and energy. But it is so well worth it.
Ever relationship serves to teach us and to help us grow. Everything happens for a reason and it’s all happening for us, not against us, even if it may feel that way at certain times. As Gabby Berstein says,”The moment you embrace your peace within and surrender the outcome, is the moment that the universe can truly get to work.” Don’t get in your own way. Put your trust in the universe and let things happen how they are going to happen.
Use that faith in the universe to never lose sight of the potential of relationships. Negativity and judgement can only create anxiety and worry, both of which block access to higher brain functioning. If we judge, we cannot love. They are two incompatible modes of being and existing. If you have one, you cannot have the other.
Let your love inspire, pull people in, and show what’s possible. That is how you will help your relationships to flourish – not by blaming others and trying to force change upon them, but by showing love. Once you do that, just sit back and let the universe work its magic.
Wrap-Up
Human connection is one of the most important aspects to a healthy and nourishing life. Relationships should be treated as sacred, because they all serve to teach us how to grow, learn, and listen. In this article we have discussed finding your tribe, cultivating love, and letting your relationships flourish; all that is left to do is for you to take action.
Let me know how you’re going to cultivate more love in your own life in the comments!
